So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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