im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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