I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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