You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
