I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
