Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
