All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
