So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
