she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They took my balls.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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