idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can text with my tongue
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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