Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
