Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
