The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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