The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
