I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
