So drunk its hurt
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
