Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
