I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
