Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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