I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
