So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
