the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
