"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize