I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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