i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do vagina's smell?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
