I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
