I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
