How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
