Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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