i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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