it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
