There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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