dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
