my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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