Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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