Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
