Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
