problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What a dumb baby whore.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
