My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
