i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
