Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize