Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
