so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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