i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
