And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize