what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
