I look better un-naked...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
