this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
