Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
