So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
