I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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