I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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