dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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