I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
