i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
