Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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