Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
