I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
