I cannot find my penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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