I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This couple is walking their pig around campus
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
