barbara walters just said penis...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
