I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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