alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
