I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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