i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
