so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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